My journey from guilt to the Menstrual Cup

Disclaimer : Not for the weak hearted. Contains words like 'blood', 'period', 'menstruation', 'tampon' and 'vagina'. Especially recommended for the narrow minded in hopes that they will be slightly more open by the end of this page.

I was barely 13 when I got my first period. My mother, whom I call Amma, had already told me about it, so there was no element of shock. But that first cycle made me really weak and I was bedridden in the middle of a family tour, spoiling all our plans. I thought that my menstrual journey was going to be a disaster. But soon, I was back on my feet and we continued our sight-seeing. I have to say that I am extremely fortunate, because that was the first and the last disastrous period episode I had to go through. Even though I had a heavy flow of menstrual blood, I never experienced period cramps or weakness except for that one time. 

My menstrual journey was socially very healthy. Amma did a good job of educating me. She did not tiptoe around Achan (my father), nor did she teach me to do so. On the contrary, I always saw them discussing menstrual hygiene products, and Achan would buy them for us on his trips to the pharmacy. I don't know if my older brother (Ettan) got the exact same education in menstruation as I did, but I do know that my parents (or I) never hid the phenomenon from him and he grew up with a very healthy attitude towards it. As you can imagine, in this household, I was not fed any kind of social stigma. That is why my period-time trips to my extended family homes were very awkward and disturbing for me. 

I knew that Amma's family is conservative and that I would have to be less open about my menstrual cycle there. I don't know when I started noticing their attitude towards menstruation, but the first incident I can never forget happened when I was 16. Amma's village is home to one of my favourite temples, which I love to visit even though I am not religious. It is a serene place and always gives me a sense of calm. The family had always said to me that I was not allowed to go to the temple during my period, supported by a list of different reasons that never made any sense to me. But I respected their wish and stayed at home on those days. Temple visits were a family ordeal in this place. So I was surprised when I was asked to babysit my two-year-old cousin when the rest of the family went to the temple. I was utterly disgusted at the explanation that followed. The two-year-old little girl would not be allowed in the temple because she was bathed by her menstruating mother, who was otherwise not allowed to touch the kid. I had not realised that such misogyny and untouchability still prevailed in educated communities of the apparently 100% literate state of Kerala. That must have been the day I lost all respect for religion. I have hidden from them the fact of being on my period several times after that day, just so that my cousins would not need to keep a room's distance from me. 

Achan's side of the family has always been quite modern in their views. But even there, I realised that I had to act as if menstruation did not exist, when my cousin brothers were around. I remember Achan secretly disposing of the used pads in a corner of the backyard, and this disturbed me for more reasons than I can count. I always felt so guilty about it and on short stays, would keep it in a bag and throw it along with other used pads in a public women's toilet. (I always wondered what happened to those huge bags of used pads.)

My physical journey of menstruation was not as healthy. In my initial years, I knew a lot of girls who had very regular and punctual menstrual cycles, but I have never known regularity. Before long, after a very long and messy period, I was diagnosed with PCOS. At first, the news that I had cysts in my body was very scary, as I equated it with some form of cancer. But the doctor made me understand that it is just a fancy word for a slight irregularity and that it could be controlled through some medicine. I would later realise, as years pass by and I meet more people, that PCOS is a very common condition, and nothing to worry about. I have found several PCOS sisters by this point.

I have seen my friends and cousins struggle with the painful days they have to go through every month. But since the pain was never in the picture for me, my major issues with menstruation were all related to the menstrual pads I used. These are issues all women who use the pads have experienced, and I believe, are also discussed widely, be it in hushed tones in all-female circles. For the length of the bleeding, we would spend every waking moment turning back to check for stains, or employing our friends to do so discreetly. I remember always trying not to sit on any soft or light coloured surfaces in case of leakage. I also remember always sitting on one butt cheek, so as to avoid squishing the blood out. Nights would be spent trying to find a comfortable position which also does not cause excessive leakage. We wear extra-large pads with multiple chemical components just for the seemingly simple purpose of avoiding staining.  Once a week, we had to wear an all-white uniform to school, which was always the worst day of the period. I cannot imagine that this whole thing could be mentally or physically healthy for the girls. 

Amma found the best and the most comfortable pads for us to use. But, with my dry eczema-prone skin and thick thighs, even the most comfortable of the pads caused severe rashes that stayed for days after the bleeding period. Walking was an uncomfortable activity till the major brands brought out soft and thin cotton pads.

If the isolation, pain and leakage were not stressful enough, there was the added pressure of disposal of the used pads. Even if you lived in a city with a good waste disposal system, this did not fit into any waste category, as it was too wet and easily spoiling to go with the non-biodegradable waste, and too harmful to go with the biodegradable waste. We juggled with this system for a very long time. In many areas not under the city corporations, the used pads would be buried in the backyards forever. For me, who was always careful not to let so much as a chocolate wrapper fall to the ground, this was a painful process.  We even attempted burning the used pads, although we usually try to avoid burning waste. But those attempts always seemed futile too, as plastic never really disintegrates, even under fire. We consoled ourselves that it is at the least a more hygienic mode of disposal.

A simple Google search can tell you the harmful effects of disposed of menstrual pads. Image source : Scoopwhoop

Sometime during my teenage years, amma told me about this menstrual product people use in other countries. I don't remember discussing the name of the product at that time, but it looked too small to suffice and my cousin and I were quite appalled at the thought of inserting something inside the vagina instead of a pad stuck to the underwear. Years later, I still haven't tried a tampon, and am still scared to. But now that I have this perfect alternative, even thinking about a tampon is pointless.

In my early 20s, I heard about this new product on the market called a 'Menstrual cup'. I could not fathom inserting what I thought was a plastic cup (so much bigger than a tampon) into my body. Back then, not many people were talking about it, and it seemed like a crazy scary idea. I thought it was ridiculous. But at the same time, there were a lot of aspects that interested me, the first being that it needed to be changed fewer times than a pad. It was very confusing as pads (and especially the advertisements for them) always made us believe that we lost glasses and glasses of blood every day, while the much smaller cups were said to fill up only twice in a day. It can be challenging to shift our whole lifestyle towards a new product which seems invasive, both physically and culturally. I understand how this can be difficult for young girls, especially in a country like India where women do not explore their body.

But once I realised that it solves the issue of disposal once and for all, I was hooked. I began following information about the product and people who talked about it. Even after so much research, I was not comfortable enough to actually use it till last year. The cautious person that I am, I wanted to... I needed to... hear reviews from people I personally knew, before I could bring myself to use it. I was concerned about cleaning and sanitising the pad while I shared a kitchen with 7 other people, and I worried I might have to face uncomfortable questions and judgement.

At the age of 26, I finally decided to order a cup from what was, according to my research, one of the most trusted brands of menstrual cups in India. I moved to the UK immediately after, and used the first 2 months here to gradually shift from pads to cups. For the first time in my life, I was actually looking forward to the bleeding to start. I had heard that it might be difficult to insert the cup the first time, for someone who is not used to things inside the vagina. As warned, the first time was extremely uncomfortable and even slightly painful. The uncomfortable feeling and pain gradually reduced with each time the cup went in and out. It is advised to try using the cup for the first time after you actually get the period, so that there is enough lubrication. But, the thing that took the longest to a complete shift was gaining confidence to go outside on my period without a pad stuck to my underwear.

Because of the whole stress with menstruation, I was always reluctant to sleep on white bedsheets.  The issue was that when you sleep with a pad on, the blood might run off its surface before it can completely get absorbed by the pad. So the pure white bedsheet in my university accommodation was scary to sleep on, even without blood leaking out of me. In the 13 years leading up to that moment, I had cultivated the habit of laying a dark coloured piece of cloth on the bed, underneath where my pelvis would be, especially if using a light coloured bedsheet, as we often do.  So I did the same, but this time, without a pad. Just the menstrual cup, which would hopefully do its job.

The next morning, I woke up to the beautiful view outside my huge window. The sky was blue and clear and I had had a good night's sleep. I smiled, without realising the power of that moment, or that my life had changed forever. Ten minutes of scrolling through my phone later, I remembered; not felt, but remembered, that I had started bleeding the night before. I scoured my brain for the last time I woke up feeling clean and happy on a period morning. Nothing. That had never happened before. There was no disgusting stickiness to make you feel unclean, no itch from the usual dampness, no rash from the constant contact with a foreign plastic, no smell, no leakage. No need to jump up to check for overflowing either, because a cup can be left in for half a day. For the first time, I had not had a panic-wake-up out of fear of staining. For the first time, I had forgotten being on my period for whole 10 minutes after waking up. To those of you who don't know the feeling, it might not seem like a lot, but it is. 

I cannot imagine how this feeling of a clean morning would translate to someone with menstrual cramps, but I am sure this will be a welcome relief even to them, among all the other hateable aspects of menstruation. The cup is quite easy to use after you get through the first use. For an inexperienced vagina, the feeling of insertion and removal can be uncomfortable. But your body gets used to it soon. Now, I am able to sleep on white or light coloured bedsheets, sans the dark coloured cloth and fear of leakage.

The blood on a pad, exposed to the external conditions, spoils fast, making it very unhealthy if not changed at very frequent intervals. The blood in a menstrual cup does not come in contact with the external conditions and maintains most of its natural conditions for a long time. Because of this, a cup can be used without emptying for upto 10-12 hours. A cup can be used for as long as 10 years, in place of the 2000 odd pads that would need to be used in the same amount of time. The panic of forgetting to carry extra pads on days nearing the expected date, or the disappointment when you have forgotten to buy a new pack, are just some of the horrifying feelings you can avoid if you are using a cup. I will never forget the guilt amma and I (and many others I know) experienced over the disposal of the countless pads we have used in our lives. I am most grateful for the existence of the menstrual cup for eliminating the stress of involuntarily causing so much pollution in the world. Needless to say, single-use menstrual products are highly expensive, and a menstrual cup is a long-term investment that is also easy to use, healthy, environment-friendly, and economic. Single-use products are also too expensive and difficult to access in remote areas and poor uneducated communities.

There are many articles and videos on the internet that give clear instructions on the usage and sanitation of the cup. I am no professional or expert in this regard, but let me end this rant with a few simple tips : 

1. Your health and safety is the #1 priority. So clean and sanitise the cup thoroughly, before and after every cycle. Also rinse the cup after you empty it every time, and make sure that the tiny air holes on the sides are clear, because they are what keep you from feeling plugged from the safely snuggling cup inside you. If you do feel plugged, know that there is nothing to worry about, and it is just a momentary feeling that will pass as you move about. Needless to say, also thoroughly rinse with water, your vulva and clear the vaginal opening.
2. You need to be relaxed, mentally, in order for your vaginal muscles to relax and comfortably let the cup in or out. At first, you might find this difficult, because you are feeling scared or awkward. Pick something that relaxes you, and before you insert/take out the cup, run with it; take a few deep breaths, play some relaxing music, or do whatever it is that helps you relax the best 😉
3. Do not be afraid to explore and know your body.
4. A clean bathroom will keep you happy, calm and safe while you use your cup.
5. You will probably use your dominant hand to insert and remove the cup. So if you are the kind of person that grows their nails on their dominant hands, or the kind that forgets to cut nails (like me), it is going to be difficult. So make some time on the day your period starts, to cut your fingernails, because trust me, even if your cup has a stem, you are going to have to use your fingers. Chances are, the region is quite sensitive during your period, and nails might make it extra uncomfortable.
6. If you have hair down there, you might want to give it a trim, because wet curly hair and silicone don't go well together, or go very well together, if you know what I mean. 
7. Do NOT forget to change on time. You already have the added advantage of only having to change twice a day. Do it.
8. Store the sanitised cup in an airy place in a breathable cloth bag.
9. This is not related to a cup as such, but track your cycle. It will help identify how healthy your body is and will help you be prepared in time for your next cycle.

Know that there is no one definition of normal. Most of all, take care of yourself, take care of other menstruating people, and educate everyone who needs to be educated. Relax and pamper yourself, but make your own simple contribution to help the environment and your physical, mental and economic health.

Have a slightly more comfortable period! 😊